Slippery Hands

I was kinda worried about what the bootleg CD seller was going to do with my soul, but he said he didn’t want it anymore because it wasn’t worth near as much and he’d thought. Well, who in his or her right mind would think anybody’s soul was worth as much as a ‘57 Chevy Nomad. Those are cool cars.

That guy had been spinning too many Lady Gaga CDs. Wait, do they even have bootleg Lady Gaga CDs? Ah, they must. Anyway, he was so upset about the whole thing that he gave it back to me for free. Yeah, for free, imagine that.

I was in a pretty gosh darned good mood. In fact, I felt so good that I drove on down to Trader Joe’s and bought a couple good bottles of Cab. Nothing like good wine to celebrate a good deal and getting one’s soul back for free, well deals don’t come any better than that.

When I got home, Vesta was cooking up spaghetti with tomato sauce, cuz we were still kinda broke. Then she saw the wine and smiled.

“What’s the occasion?” It was Thursday and we usually only drink on Friday and Saturday.

“Nothing special,” I lied. I had to lie, cuz she doesn’t like me having anything to do with the Devil. She’s not all that happy about how I get along with God either. She’s worried I might go to far one day and that he’ll smite me down.

Then there are my other two ne’er-do-well sometime pals, Death and Santa. She doesn’t really like them all that much either. Death, well because he’s Death, does anyone really need a reason not to like him. And she doesn’t like Santa, cuz he’s not the nice guy all the kid’s think he is and his wife, well you don’t even wanna know about her. Not yet anyway. Not till you have too.

I opened the wine and poured us a couple glasses. Life wasn’t maybe as good as it could be, but it was okay. We were alive and drinking very good wine, which we couldn’t afford at the moment, but after a couple glasses, I didn’t care very much. 

So, I got my soul back, but we needed more money and I still had to figure out how to get some. Then the devil rang. I knew it was him, because he’s one of the only two people who can make a phone ring when it’s turned off. It had to be him, cuz I didn’t think God was calling.

Ozzy 991

He said he wanted my soul after all and we arranged to meet by the Red Rock bar. He showed up right on time, looking like Ozzy Osbourne on a good day. And he was wearing a cross around his neck. Those might be off putting to Vampires, but the Devil likes wearing them, cuz he knows how much it pisses God off. They don’t get along very well, but you probably already knew that.

I told him I needed to see the money first and he handed it over, but just as he took my soul, this weaselly looking guy ran by with a purse in his hand and a screaming woman hot on his tail. 

He dashed between me and the Devil, grabbing my soul right out of the Devil’s hands as he busted on through. So now I got the dough, the purse snatcher’s got my soul and the Devil is left with nothing but air.

Ken Douglas Wedding and Portrait Photography, 1250 Ralston Street, Reno, NV 89503 
Phone: 775 393-9529